THE HUSTLE, THE HEART, & THE HURT

Everyday I get up with a "to do" list as long as my leg and rarely are all of the tasks accomplished. Who knew at 41 years old, I'd STILL be operating in " helter skelter" mode!  Maybe THAT will be my "to do".....get a regular schedule and sit my ass down for a few hours to enjoy the benefits of having freedom and good health. 

I just can't seem to rest... there's so much to do... SO many women for me to encourage, kids for me to teach and fellow Veterans to help get back on their feet.  Am I really making a difference?  Does it any of this hustling REALLY matter in the long run?  Those two questions haunt me every morning when my feet hit the floor.  Truth is I will NEVER be satisfied, and THIS IS MY PROBLEM.

I'm still the same " I can save the world" little girl I was back when I sat on my granny's porch "shuckin'corn" and "shelling peas". Why the hell can't I let go of the notion that I really can save the world?   I have no clue, but as FRUSTRATING as it is, I'm addicted to helping people.  

How the hell can I cure this condition? I've set boundaries and crossed them.  Written people off and bailed them out of shortly afterwards. Disassociated myself from folks and secretly check on their kids to make sure they're not in need.  I need discipline to walk away from people and STAY AWAY!  

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? This save the world obsession takes my sleep and my social life. Heaven forbid I ever get a dang love life!  I have to do better! My life is passing me by while I am killing myself trying to help people with theirs.

Something has gotta CHANGE and FAST!