SECOND CHANCES

I've eaten my share of crow. I can't count the times I've wanted to go back and do something over or get the forgiveness and another chance from someone I've hurt.  We've all done stupid stuff or screwed up in a relationship, but sometimes it’s best to just accept what is and move the hell on!

A mistake is one thing but a lie is a different story.   I will forgive anyone who does me wrong, but that is just it… I FORGIVE, I don't trust them ever again.   Nowhere in my universe are the words forgive and trust used interchangeably, so being cordial or even exchanging a laugh is NOT the damn yellow brick road to Oz!  There are no magic words that can be said to repair the void broken trust leaves with me.  So now, the word “friend” is something I rarely use!  I know thousands of people, but VERY FEW do I consider friends because to me a friend is someone you can really trust and they also trust you!

Unfortunately for some, my thoughts are the same when it comes to the man in my life.  When I was about twenty or twenty-one, an older woman told me “If a man cheats on you, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you.  Cheating for a man has nothing to do with love.  Some men cheat just because they can.  Some cheat because they like the attention.  Some cheat because they are miserable at home, but I don't know any man that cheated only because he didn't love the woman he had at home.  They don’t think that deep into stuff.”   Her words resonated with me from that moment. For that reason, unlike most women, I will forgive a cheater quicker than a liar. The issue for me is not the physical act, but the reason behind it. 

When a man gets caught and tells lie after lie to try to make things right, will let him lie and think he’s gotten away with his creative story. ONLY because I'm pissed that he’s insulted my intelligence and hurt that he didn't care enough about me to be honest or trust me enough to know I could forgive a mistake.  Like every other woman on Earth, I’ve fallen for the crying and “baby I'm sorry” like every other woman, but not because I believe he had changed, but because I didn't want to change.  The fear of starting over with someone else just wasn't worth the headache.      

I learned a LONG time ago, not to speak when I’m really upset or angry.  I have eaten too many of my own words and I REALLY don't like the taste of crow, besides there are no words to make it right after the trust is broken.   I don't believe people change after they mess up.  People change when they WANT to change.  They change when they want something different.  Some people DON'T change.  If I don't SEE the change BEFORE someone tells me they're different, they may as well save their breath, because I won’t believe it!  Crying the Nile does nothing.  The “take me back because I’ve changed speech” does not work.   Buying cars, jewelry, flowers and clothes won't convince me either. 

A changed person is a new person that has accepted their mistakes and vows to not make the same ones again.   I will be cordial to them, but I still would not place my trust in them again.  Trusting that person with my feelings, secrets, fears and heart is a big risk. Maybe the fact that trust is the window to my soul is the reason I'm not willing to take a chance on them again.